The art of negotiation was a recent topic on one of my favorite sites/magazines, Psychology Today. It made me think about how sometimes, no matter what we do, we just can’t make something work. We simply can’t convince the universe to bend our way. I thought to myself, while reading one of the articles that referred to the classic “win-win” outcome, wouldn’t it be nice if more situations could be winning for everyone involved?
This is not the case, and why not? Why is it so hard for things to just work out? I have come to the conclusion that it simply is not right. Sure, someone could be fighting you just to fight you, your significant other may just be having a bad day, or maybe you are just having a down week at work. Random bad days are not the issue at hand here. If you are consistently struggling to make a relationship work, or to love your job, chances are: it is not right for you.
I am a firm believer that the universe tells us exactly what we need to do and where we need to be, you just have to know the language and be prepared for a long process of elimination. It doesn’t mean you are unstable, or wishy-washy, it means you are in search of happiness and you will not settle.
There is a disclaimer, if you find yourself jumping from one thing to the next often, with little time in between – this could be the opposite of searching for something that fits you – this is searching for yourself in something or someone else.
This mentality is the kind that makes you perpetually get lost in your lovers or consumed by a job you hate. If you find yourself in these situations a lot, it is time to do some soul searching. I know that we don’t all have the luxury of going all eat, pray, love all over the world to find ourselves – but you don’t have to.
First of all, cleanse your life. Be done with the dead-end relationships, and start distancing yourself from those who really have no positive place in your life anymore. Start spending time with yourself: take yourself to a movie, give yourself a project to keep your mind off of the things you need to give up. Then begin to think about what it is that you want, make a list if you have to, follow a balance wheel to give yourself an idea of areas that you need to focus on, then begin to take a look at where things presently are.
At this point, you can literally psychoanalyze yourself. Notice certain self-destructive patterns you follow, and try to figure out why. Why have you made certain decisions? How have you gotten to where you are now? Focus your mind on the solutions to these issues and bad habits, think of it as a new you, and teach yourself that certain triggers will only bring the old unhappy you back to life.
Now, explore. This is the fun part, the part where you can openly and confidently begin looking for what makes you happy and new things and people you never imagined could have really existed. You will notice little things early on will start changing and getting better. With every good decision you make for yourself and your life, something good, but usually small will happen very quickly, as if something is trying to say: “I noticed that”. Let this be your reinforcement, and it will only get better. ~
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